I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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