You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
