Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
