Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
