Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
