we're blogging at a bar
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
