I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
