No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
