TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
