Tell her she can't have a vagina
Don't make out with my wife yet
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Floor bacon is actually really good
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