But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
