drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize