Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
