...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
