the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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