Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You smell like stripper and shame
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
