Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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