how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
