the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
