Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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