your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
