One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
