he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
time to smoke my breakfast
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
