I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
