you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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