Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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