Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
