Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize