y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
