So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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