hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
