My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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