I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize