and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
