I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
