hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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