It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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