hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
