I should be sponsored by Trojan
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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