so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
