I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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