never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
