Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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