I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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