i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
