i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
