that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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