She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
