saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
