Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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