Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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