this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize