The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
