I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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