Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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