What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize