Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
