peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think your dad took our porno
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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