First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
