So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
