i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
my liver is dry heaving
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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