you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
