So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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