so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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