God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
