She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize