do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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