Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
